Fusebox <![CDATA[In The Messy Relationship Podcast]]> Jan, a registered psychotherapist, from janettechu.ca reveals the power of Emotionally-Focused Therapy and Internal Family Systems so you can strengthen bonds with your partner, navigate the challenges of intimacy with courage and authenticity, and rediscover the profound joy of intimate connection. Discover how you can create a relationship from the ground up that you love so that you can feel loved, safe, and secure. Janette has been supporting countless couples through the messy parts of their relationship and openly shares the successes, failures, and the lessons along the journey. It’s going to be messy, but fighting for your relationship is worth it! Hit subscribe, and get ready to make your love story thrive amidst life's inevitable messiness.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> Jan, a registered psychotherapist, from janettechu.ca reveals the power of Emotionally-Focused Therapy and Internal Family Systems so you can strengthen bonds with your partner, navigate the challenges of intimacy with courage and authenticity, and rediscover the profound joy of intimate connection. Discover how you can create a relationship from the ground up that you love so that you can feel loved, safe, and secure. Janette has been supporting countless couples through the messy parts of their relationship and openly shares the successes, failures, and the lessons along the journey. It’s going to be messy, but fighting for your relationship is worth it! Hit subscribe, and get ready to make your love story thrive amidst life's inevitable messiness.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> en-ca false https://inthemessy.ca <![CDATA[Attachment 101: Figure Out Your Attachment Style]]> fbx/cd5da2d8-63dc-11ef-b3c1-16a2cd1ac1f8 https://inthemessy.ca Mon, 26 Aug 2024 14:55:46 -0400 Welcome to In the Messy Podcast! I’m Jan, your host, and I’m beyond excited to kick off our very first episode. Today, we’re diving into the fascinating world of attachment styles—a topic that’s crucial for understanding how we connect with others, form relationships, and navigate the ups and downs of life. Whether you’re familiar with attachment theory or hearing about it for the first time, this episode is your crash course on the basics.We’ll explore how attachment theory, developed by the brilliant minds of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, helps explain the ways we seek safety and security in our relationships. From the warm, secure attachments that make us feel loved and protected to the more complex, insecure styles that can leave us feeling anxious or disconnected, you’ll gain insight into the powerful forces that shape our emotional worlds.But don’t worry—this isn’t just a dry lecture. We’re breaking it down in a way that’s easy to understand and directly relevant to your life. Whether you’re reflecting on your childhood, considering your current relationships, or just curious about human behavior, this episode is for you.So, grab your headphones, get comfortable, and let’s dive into the messy, beautiful complexity of attachment styles. And hey, if you find this episode enlightening, don’t forget to hit subscribe and share it with someone who might need it. Let’s start this journey together!Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter Welcome to In the Messy Podcast! I’m Jan, your host, and I’m beyond excited to kick off our very first episode. Today, we’re diving into the fascinating world of attachment styles—a topic that’s crucial for understanding how we connect with others, form relationships, and navigate the ups and downs of life. Whether you’re familiar with attachment theory or hearing about it for the first time, this episode is your crash course on the basics.

We’ll explore how attachment theory, developed by the brilliant minds of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, helps explain the ways we seek safety and security in our relationships. From the warm, secure attachments that make us feel loved and protected to the more complex, insecure styles that can leave us feeling anxious or disconnected, you’ll gain insight into the powerful forces that shape our emotional worlds.

But don’t worry—this isn’t just a dry lecture. We’re breaking it down in a way that’s easy to understand and directly relevant to your life. Whether you’re reflecting on your childhood, considering your current relationships, or just curious about human behavior, this episode is for you.

So, grab your headphones, get comfortable, and let’s dive into the messy, beautiful complexity of attachment styles. And hey, if you find this episode enlightening, don’t forget to hit subscribe and share it with someone who might need it. Let’s start this journey together!

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
]]> 1010 false 2 full <![CDATA[How to Master Your Anxious Attachment Style]]> fbx/ff65c892-63e5-11ef-9c86-16a2cd1ac1f8 https://inthemessy.ca Mon, 26 Aug 2024 16:01:19 -0400 002 Today’s episode is all about the anxious attachment style—a topic that might hit close to home for many. We’ll explore its roots, how it shows up in relationships, and practical strategies for managing it. If you haven’t tuned into Episode 1 yet, I highly recommend you start there to get a solid foundation.As a disclaimer, In The Messy Podcast aims to provide general information only and does not serve as a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, or any other professional health care service. It is our personal mission to offer relationship insights so that you can have a thriving romantic relationship of your dreams.&nbsp;Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter 002 Today’s episode is all about the anxious attachment style—a topic that might hit close to home for many. We’ll explore its roots, how it shows up in relationships, and practical strategies for managing it. If you haven’t tuned into Episode 1 yet, I highly recommend you start there to get a solid foundation.

As a disclaimer, In The Messy Podcast aims to provide general information only and does not serve as a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, or any other professional health care service. It is our personal mission to offer relationship insights so that you can have a thriving romantic relationship of your dreams. 

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
]]> 1425 false 3 full <![CDATA[Welcome to In The Messy Podcast]]> fbx/1e3b667e-6426-11ef-aade-16a2cd1ac1f8 https://inthemessy.ca Mon, 26 Aug 2024 23:40:35 -0400 Are you ready to transform your romantic relationships? Dive into the heart of attachment science with us and discover powerful communication tools to enhance your love life. Hosted by Jan, a psychotherapist with a passion for helping couples develop intimate bonds, this podcast is your gateway to thriving, deeply fulfilling relationships.What You Can Expect:In-Depth Monthly Topics: Unlike other podcasts that skim the surface, we explore each subject thoroughly for an entire month. From understanding anxious attachment styles to overcoming barriers and challenges, you'll gain a deep understanding of how these processes work within yourself and your partner.Genuine Stories and Practical Insights: Hear real-life stories that mirror your own experiences. We focus on practical, tangible ways real couples have overcome immense challenges to grow stronger together.Expert Guidance and Guest Speakers: Sometimes, it’s just Jan sharing her expertise; other times, she’s joined by guest experts who offer unique perspectives and advice.Actionable Strategies: Learn effective behavioral and psychological approaches to achieve your relationship goals. Discover what you can do to improve connection and what to avoid to prevent common pitfalls.Thank you for tuning in to In The Messy Podcast. We envision a future where every relationship, no matter how messy it may seem, has the potential to evolve into something beautiful and thriving.&nbsp; Are you ready to transform your romantic relationships? Dive into the heart of attachment science with us and discover powerful communication tools to enhance your love life. Hosted by Jan, a psychotherapist with a passion for helping couples develop intimate bonds, this podcast is your gateway to thriving, deeply fulfilling relationships.

What You Can Expect:

In-Depth Monthly Topics: Unlike other podcasts that skim the surface, we explore each subject thoroughly for an entire month. From understanding anxious attachment styles to overcoming barriers and challenges, you'll gain a deep understanding of how these processes work within yourself and your partner.

Genuine Stories and Practical Insights: Hear real-life stories that mirror your own experiences. We focus on practical, tangible ways real couples have overcome immense challenges to grow stronger together.

Expert Guidance and Guest Speakers: Sometimes, it’s just Jan sharing her expertise; other times, she’s joined by guest experts who offer unique perspectives and advice.

Actionable Strategies: Learn effective behavioral and psychological approaches to achieve your relationship goals. Discover what you can do to improve connection and what to avoid to prevent common pitfalls.

Thank you for tuning in to In The Messy Podcast. We envision a future where every relationship, no matter how messy it may seem, has the potential to evolve into something beautiful and thriving. 

]]> 144 false 1 trailer <![CDATA[3 Strategies to Manage Your Anxious Attachment]]> fbx/1ae18230-6bbd-11ef-a270-16a2cd1ac1f8 https://inthemessy.ca Thu, 05 Sep 2024 15:29:01 -0400 003 Anxious attachment style—a common relational pattern marked by fear of abandonment and a need for constant reassurance. Through a compassionate and insightful lens, Jan explores how anxious attachment develops, how it manifests in relationships, and most importantly, three powerful strategies to manage it: cultivating self-awareness, building emotional resilience, and developing secure habits. If you haven’t listened to Episodes 1 and 2 yet, make sure to check them out for a foundational understanding of attachment styles. Tune in for practical tips and reflections to help transform your anxious attachment style into healthier, more secure relationships.Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review!Stay tuned for next week’s episode, where we’ll dive into Progressive Muscle Relaxation and Visualization practices to continue the journey toward emotional security.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter 003 Anxious attachment style—a common relational pattern marked by fear of abandonment and a need for constant reassurance. Through a compassionate and insightful lens, Jan explores how anxious attachment develops, how it manifests in relationships, and most importantly, three powerful strategies to manage it: cultivating self-awareness, building emotional resilience, and developing secure habits. If you haven’t listened to Episodes 1 and 2 yet, make sure to check them out for a foundational understanding of attachment styles. Tune in for practical tips and reflections to help transform your anxious attachment style into healthier, more secure relationships.

Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review!

Stay tuned for next week’s episode, where we’ll dive into Progressive Muscle Relaxation and Visualization practices to continue the journey toward emotional security.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
]]> 1058 false 4 full <![CDATA[EXERCISE: Relaxing Your Anxious Attachment]]> fbx/d3475cc8-6bbd-11ef-bc54-16a2cd1ac1f8 https://inthemessy.ca Thu, 12 Sep 2024 00:30:00 -0400 004 Jan takes a unique approach by guiding you through an experiential journey of self-awareness, self-compassion, and emotional resilience. Today, she leads you in a progressive muscle relaxation and visualization exercise. You'll learn to release tension, explore your inner peace, and build emotional strength. Whether you're managing stress or healing attachment wounds, this episode offers a calming, mindful experience you can return to again and again.Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review!As a disclaimer, In The Messy Podcast aims to provide general information only and does not serve as a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, or any other professional health care service. It is our personal mission to offer relationship insights so that you can have a thriving romantic relationship of your dreams.&nbsp;Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter 004 Jan takes a unique approach by guiding you through an experiential journey of self-awareness, self-compassion, and emotional resilience. Today, she leads you in a progressive muscle relaxation and visualization exercise. You'll learn to release tension, explore your inner peace, and build emotional strength. Whether you're managing stress or healing attachment wounds, this episode offers a calming, mindful experience you can return to again and again.

Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review!

As a disclaimer, In The Messy Podcast aims to provide general information only and does not serve as a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, or any other professional health care service. It is our personal mission to offer relationship insights so that you can have a thriving romantic relationship of your dreams. 

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
]]> 1323 false 5 full <![CDATA[How to Understand Your Relationship Cycle]]> fbx/d3385b3e-4aeb-11f0-a08e-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Mon, 16 Jun 2025 15:55:24 -0400 Today we have a special guest, Caleb Tse, a Registered Psychotherapist to help us understand how we get triggered into "demon dialogues"—otherwise known as cycles that keep us stuck in negative patterns in our relationship. Through an insightful lens, Caleb shares what we can do when we find ourselves in those difficult moments.&nbsp;If you liked this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review!&nbsp;Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter Today we have a special guest, Caleb Tse, a Registered Psychotherapist to help us understand how we get triggered into "demon dialogues"—otherwise known as cycles that keep us stuck in negative patterns in our relationship. Through an insightful lens, Caleb shares what we can do when we find ourselves in those difficult moments. 

If you liked this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review! 

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 3391 false 6 full <![CDATA[Finding Your Relationship Vision]]> fbx/7e125a1c-5e76-11f0-a867-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Fri, 11 Jul 2025 14:18:58 -0400 In this episode, we explore three powerful steps to create your “normal but perfect” life and relationship. Through vision setting, intentional decision-making, and consistent action, you'll learn how to build a future that aligns with who you truly are—one meaningful step at a time.&nbsp;If you liked this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review!&nbsp;Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In this episode, we explore three powerful steps to create your “normal but perfect” life and relationship. Through vision setting, intentional decision-making, and consistent action, you'll learn how to build a future that aligns with who you truly are—one meaningful step at a time. 

If you liked this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review! 

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1627 false 7 full <![CDATA[How to Understand Your Disorganized Attachment Style]]> fbx/26bda460-63ee-11f0-8215-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Fri, 18 Jul 2025 14:06:14 -0400 In this episode, we unpack the truth about disorganized attachment—what it really means, how it forms, and how healing is possible. Through honest reflection, research-based insight, and practical strategies, you'll learn how to recognize this attachment style and take empowering steps toward secure, connected relationships.&nbsp;If you liked this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review!Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In this episode, we unpack the truth about disorganized attachment—what it really means, how it forms, and how healing is possible. Through honest reflection, research-based insight, and practical strategies, you'll learn how to recognize this attachment style and take empowering steps toward secure, connected relationships. 

If you liked this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review!

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 2116 false 8 full <![CDATA[Anxious Attachment: Understanding and Managing Anxiety]]> fbx/d2f50260-7473-11f0-87c9-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Fri, 08 Aug 2025 15:18:48 -0400 In this episode, we dive into anxious attachment—what it is, how it develops, and the patterns that keep it alive. Through relatable stories, research-based insight, and practical tools, you'll learn how to recognize anxious attachment in yourself, understand its roots, and take steps toward building more secure, fulfilling relationships.&nbsp;Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In this episode, we dive into anxious attachment—what it is, how it develops, and the patterns that keep it alive. Through relatable stories, research-based insight, and practical tools, you'll learn how to recognize anxious attachment in yourself, understand its roots, and take steps toward building more secure, fulfilling relationships. 

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 2037 false 9 full <![CDATA[Managing Anxiety Triggers with Mindfulness]]> fbx/24bce356-bf33-11f0-b4ec-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Fri, 14 Nov 2025 12:00:00 -0500 In this episode, we explore what happens when anxiety takes over after being triggered. Through a client’s real-life story, you’ll learn why anxiety is a neutral signal from your body, how to recognize when you’ve moved outside your window of tolerance, and how to ground yourself using research-based tools like the 5-4-3-2-1 method and the STOP technique. With mindfulness and self-awareness, you’ll discover how to move from overwhelm to clarity and begin using anxiety as a guide instead of a barrier.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In this episode, we explore what happens when anxiety takes over after being triggered. Through a client’s real-life story, you’ll learn why anxiety is a neutral signal from your body, how to recognize when you’ve moved outside your window of tolerance, and how to ground yourself using research-based tools like the 5-4-3-2-1 method and the STOP technique. With mindfulness and self-awareness, you’ll discover how to move from overwhelm to clarity and begin using anxiety as a guide instead of a barrier.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1148 false 10 full <![CDATA[Understanding Anxiety's Hidden Story and Fear]]> fbx/0b54a1d6-c0e8-11f0-904a-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Fri, 21 Nov 2025 12:00:00 -0500 In this episode, we dive into the roots of anxiety—where it comes from, why it sticks, and how your brain keeps old fear stories alive. Through personal reflection and practical tools, you’ll learn how to name your fear, separate instinct from irrational worry, and rebuild safety through gentle exposure. A compassionate roadmap for anyone ready to shift from reactivity to resilience.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In this episode, we dive into the roots of anxiety—where it comes from, why it sticks, and how your brain keeps old fear stories alive. Through personal reflection and practical tools, you’ll learn how to name your fear, separate instinct from irrational worry, and rebuild safety through gentle exposure. A compassionate roadmap for anyone ready to shift from reactivity to resilience.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 849 false 11 full <![CDATA[Finding Freedom from Fear]]> fbx/b9f67012-cc9f-11f0-aa6c-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Fri, 28 Nov 2025 16:17:53 -0500 In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, psychotherapist Jan opens up about one of her biggest friendship failures and explores why facing our fears is so difficult—but life-changing. Learn how exposure, physical resilience, and the anterior mid-cingulate cortex (AMCC) help you overcome fear, build emotional strength, and break old patterns. Perfect for anyone struggling with anxiety, self-doubt, or past mistakes.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, psychotherapist Jan opens up about one of her biggest friendship failures and explores why facing our fears is so difficult—but life-changing. Learn how exposure, physical resilience, and the anterior mid-cingulate cortex (AMCC) help you overcome fear, build emotional strength, and break old patterns. Perfect for anyone struggling with anxiety, self-doubt, or past mistakes.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1478 false 12 full <![CDATA[Exercise: Calm Your Anxious Mind]]> fbx/d05e7256-d216-11f0-b56b-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Fri, 05 Dec 2025 15:16:59 -0500 In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, psychotherapist Jan leads you through a calming grounding exercise to help ease anxious attachment and settle your nervous system. With gentle breathing, body awareness, and soft affirmations, you’ll learn how to feel safer in your body and quiet the urge to stay on high alert.This short practice is perfect for anyone who feels anxious in relationships, struggles with overthinking, or needs a moment to slow down and reconnect with themselvesWebsite: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, psychotherapist Jan leads you through a calming grounding exercise to help ease anxious attachment and settle your nervous system. With gentle breathing, body awareness, and soft affirmations, you’ll learn how to feel safer in your body and quiet the urge to stay on high alert.

This short practice is perfect for anyone who feels anxious in relationships, struggles with overthinking, or needs a moment to slow down and reconnect with themselves

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 971 false 13 full <![CDATA[Feeling Behind in Life: Running Out of Time]]> fbx/f3fb0e90-d928-11f0-8e89-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Sun, 14 Dec 2025 15:10:27 -0500 In this episode, host Jan, a registered psychotherapist in Ontario, explores the deeply familiar fear of “running out of time.” Whether it’s relationships, career, mental health, or life milestones, Jan unpacks why this anxiety shows up, how social comparison and attachment patterns fuel it, and what’s happening in the nervous system when urgency takes over. Through real client examples and a compassionate, trauma-informed lens, she shares practical coping tools—from grounding and journaling to reframing self-talk, prioritizing small steps, and building long-term emotional resilience. This episode is a reminder that you don’t have to fix everything at once, and that meaningful change begins by focusing on what you can control, right now.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In this episode, host Jan, a registered psychotherapist in Ontario, explores the deeply familiar fear of “running out of time.” Whether it’s relationships, career, mental health, or life milestones, Jan unpacks why this anxiety shows up, how social comparison and attachment patterns fuel it, and what’s happening in the nervous system when urgency takes over. Through real client examples and a compassionate, trauma-informed lens, she shares practical coping tools—from grounding and journaling to reframing self-talk, prioritizing small steps, and building long-term emotional resilience. This episode is a reminder that you don’t have to fix everything at once, and that meaningful change begins by focusing on what you can control, right now.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1304 false 14 full <![CDATA[Healing Anxious Attachment from the Inside Out]]> fbx/97b6ea42-dcf6-11f0-ae9c-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Fri, 19 Dec 2025 12:00:00 -0500 If you struggle with anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, or emotional spirals in relationships, this episode is for you. In Episode 14 of In The Messy Podcast, registered psychotherapist Jan shares how to heal anxious attachment from the inside out using evidence-based therapy approaches like IFS, EFT, DBT, and EMDR. Learn why anxious attachment isn’t a life sentence, how nervous system healing creates real change, and the emotional skills needed to build secure, healthy relationships. This episode includes personal insights, real client transformations, and a clear path toward feeling calm, grounded, and worthy of love.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter If you struggle with anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, or emotional spirals in relationships, this episode is for you. In Episode 14 of In The Messy Podcast, registered psychotherapist Jan shares how to heal anxious attachment from the inside out using evidence-based therapy approaches like IFS, EFT, DBT, and EMDR. Learn why anxious attachment isn’t a life sentence, how nervous system healing creates real change, and the emotional skills needed to build secure, healthy relationships. This episode includes personal insights, real client transformations, and a clear path toward feeling calm, grounded, and worthy of love.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1141 false 15 full <![CDATA[Deciding Under Anxiety: Intuition vs Urgency]]> fbx/9404b9a0-f881-11f0-8c00-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Fri, 23 Jan 2026 12:32:55 -0500 In Episode 15 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explains why anxiety makes decision-making feel urgent, how anxious attachment skews choices, and how to distinguish anxiety-driven urges from true intuition. Learn nervous system tools to make calm, values-aligned decisions you can stand behind.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In Episode 15 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explains why anxiety makes decision-making feel urgent, how anxious attachment skews choices, and how to distinguish anxiety-driven urges from true intuition. Learn nervous system tools to make calm, values-aligned decisions you can stand behind.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1119 false 16 full <![CDATA[Anxious Attachment & Values-Based Decisions]]> fbx/ecfe4ef4-fd31-11f0-8c86-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Fri, 30 Jan 2026 09:00:00 -0500 If you have an anxious attachment style, decision-making can feel overwhelming. In this episode, Jan explores how to make values-based choices, stop anxiety-driven urgency, and trust yourself without constant doubt.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter If you have an anxious attachment style, decision-making can feel overwhelming. In this episode, Jan explores how to make values-based choices, stop anxiety-driven urgency, and trust yourself without constant doubt.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1045 false 17 full <![CDATA[Healing Anxious Attachment After a Breakup]]> fbx/e5297cb8-02da-11f1-8379-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 10 Feb 2026 05:00:00 -0500 If you’ve recently gone through a breakup, been cheated on, or made the painful decision to walk away from a relationship, and your anxiety feels louder than ever, this episode is for you. In Episode 17 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan, a registered psychotherapist, explains why relationship loss can feel so destabilizing for those with anxious attachment. Learn why post-breakup anxiety isn’t weakness, how separation distress impacts your nervous system, and what actually helps you heal—without rushing into another relationship. This episode explores grief, betrayal, rumination, self-worth, and how to begin rebuilding secure attachment from the inside out.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter If you’ve recently gone through a breakup, been cheated on, or made the painful decision to walk away from a relationship, and your anxiety feels louder than ever, this episode is for you. In Episode 17 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan, a registered psychotherapist, explains why relationship loss can feel so destabilizing for those with anxious attachment. Learn why post-breakup anxiety isn’t weakness, how separation distress impacts your nervous system, and what actually helps you heal—without rushing into another relationship. This episode explores grief, betrayal, rumination, self-worth, and how to begin rebuilding secure attachment from the inside out.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 963 false 18 full <![CDATA[Why Healthy Love Feels Scary]]> fbx/cd4f66fe-0b57-11f1-8c04-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 17 Feb 2026 05:00:00 -0500 Anxiety can show up loudly in relationships even when nothing is technically wrong. In Episode 18 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores how to tell when anxiety is signaling a real misalignment versus when it’s reacting to old attachment wounds. Learn how trauma memories shape relationship fears, how to separate present-moment facts from past experiences, and how to regulate your nervous system before making decisions. This episode offers practical reflection questions to help you build self-trust, stop confusing anxiety with intuition, and develop a more secure relationship with yourself and others.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter Anxiety can show up loudly in relationships even when nothing is technically wrong. In Episode 18 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores how to tell when anxiety is signaling a real misalignment versus when it’s reacting to old attachment wounds. Learn how trauma memories shape relationship fears, how to separate present-moment facts from past experiences, and how to regulate your nervous system before making decisions. This episode offers practical reflection questions to help you build self-trust, stop confusing anxiety with intuition, and develop a more secure relationship with yourself and others.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1148 false 19 full <![CDATA[When Trust Is Broken: Anxious Attachment & Relationship Hurt]]> fbx/f33808c0-10da-11f1-9fe9-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Mon, 23 Feb 2026 12:13:16 -0500 What happens when you finally trust someone… and they hurt you?In Episode 19, Jan explores how anxious attachment amplifies relationship pain and why betrayal can feel overwhelming. Learn how to tell the difference between present hurt and past attachment wounds, regulate your nervous system before reacting, and rebuild self-trust after disappointment.Healing isn’t about shutting down — it’s about staying connected to yourself, even when trust feels shaken.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter What happens when you finally trust someone… and they hurt you?

In Episode 19, Jan explores how anxious attachment amplifies relationship pain and why betrayal can feel overwhelming. Learn how to tell the difference between present hurt and past attachment wounds, regulate your nervous system before reacting, and rebuild self-trust after disappointment.

Healing isn’t about shutting down — it’s about staying connected to yourself, even when trust feels shaken.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1622 false 20 full <![CDATA[Anxious Attachment & One-Sided Friendships: When You’re the One Holding It Together]]> fbx/42e07082-1654-11f1-9f35-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 03 Mar 2026 06:00:00 -0500 Are you the one who always reaches out first? The one who keeps the friendship alive, fixes the mood, and carries the emotional weight of the relationship?In Episode 20 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan speaks directly to the anxiously attached heart that loves deeply — and feels exhausted from being the emotional engine of the relationship. When someone you care about is passive, discouraged, or stuck, your nervous system may interpret their distance as danger. So you over-function. You try harder. You carry more. But over time, that effort turns into burnout and resentment.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why anxious attachment confuses effort with loveHow over-functioning becomes a survival strategyThe hidden cost of being the constant initiatorThe difference between needing reciprocity and needing someone to changeWhat secure attachment looks like in one-sided dynamicsHow to stop over-functioning without becoming cold or cutting someone offIf you’ve ever wondered, “Am I loving this person — or managing my fear of losing them?” this conversation will help you slow down, tolerate space, and move toward secure connection built on mutuality, not exhaustion.Secure love doesn’t chase or rescue. It shows up — and allows others to show up too.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter Are you the one who always reaches out first? The one who keeps the friendship alive, fixes the mood, and carries the emotional weight of the relationship?

In Episode 20 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan speaks directly to the anxiously attached heart that loves deeply — and feels exhausted from being the emotional engine of the relationship. When someone you care about is passive, discouraged, or stuck, your nervous system may interpret their distance as danger. So you over-function. You try harder. You carry more. But over time, that effort turns into burnout and resentment.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why anxious attachment confuses effort with love
How over-functioning becomes a survival strategy
The hidden cost of being the constant initiator
The difference between needing reciprocity and needing someone to change
What secure attachment looks like in one-sided dynamics
How to stop over-functioning without becoming cold or cutting someone off

If you’ve ever wondered, “Am I loving this person — or managing my fear of losing them?” this conversation will help you slow down, tolerate space, and move toward secure connection built on mutuality, not exhaustion.

Secure love doesn’t chase or rescue. It shows up — and allows others to show up too.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 804 false 21 full <![CDATA[When Ghosting Feels Like Abandonment: Calming the Spiral After Rejection]]> fbx/bef2a30a-1c2d-11f1-b0e5-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 10 Mar 2026 05:00:00 -0400 Being ghosted doesn’t just hurt — it can feel devastating, especially for those with anxious attachment.In Episode 21 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explains why ghosting can trigger intense emotional reactions and how your nervous system interprets sudden silence as abandonment. When someone disappears without explanation, it can activate old attachment wounds and send your mind into self-blame and rumination.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter Being ghosted doesn’t just hurt — it can feel devastating, especially for those with anxious attachment.

In Episode 21 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explains why ghosting can trigger intense emotional reactions and how your nervous system interprets sudden silence as abandonment. When someone disappears without explanation, it can activate old attachment wounds and send your mind into self-blame and rumination.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 873 false 22 full <![CDATA[How Can I Be The Best Partner with Anxious Attachment]]> fbx/e6775c04-1c32-11f1-a2a0-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 17 Mar 2026 05:00:00 -0400 Do you constantly wonder if you’re doing enough in your relationship? Do you feel responsible for managing your partner’s emotions so the relationship stays safe?In Episode 22 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores how anxious attachment in women is often rooted in parentification — growing up believing love had to be earned by managing other people’s feelings.When your nervous system learns early that safety comes from performing, fixing, and anticipating emotional reactions, that pattern can follow you into adult relationships. You may find yourself over-functioning, monitoring your partner’s moods, and asking: “How can I be a better partner?”Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter Do you constantly wonder if you’re doing enough in your relationship? Do you feel responsible for managing your partner’s emotions so the relationship stays safe?

In Episode 22 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores how anxious attachment in women is often rooted in parentification — growing up believing love had to be earned by managing other people’s feelings.

When your nervous system learns early that safety comes from performing, fixing, and anticipating emotional reactions, that pattern can follow you into adult relationships. You may find yourself over-functioning, monitoring your partner’s moods, and asking: “How can I be a better partner?”

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1275 false 23 full <![CDATA[Day 1: Understanding Anxious Attachment]]> fbx/533d172c-2591-11f1-abdd-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 24 Mar 2026 05:00:00 -0400 Do you overthink conversations, avoid conflict, or constantly wonder if you’re “too much”?In Episode 23 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan walks you through Day 1 of the Secure Self Workbook — helping you understand anxious attachment with clarity and compassion.Anxious attachment isn’t a flaw. It’s a survival strategy your nervous system learned when connection felt inconsistent or uncertain growing up.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter Do you overthink conversations, avoid conflict, or constantly wonder if you’re “too much”?

In Episode 23 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan walks you through Day 1 of the Secure Self Workbook — helping you understand anxious attachment with clarity and compassion.

Anxious attachment isn’t a flaw. It’s a survival strategy your nervous system learned when connection felt inconsistent or uncertain growing up.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1157 false 24 full <![CDATA[Day 2: Regulating Before Relating]]> fbx/1db590a4-2b16-11f1-af2f-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 31 Mar 2026 05:00:00 -0400 In this episode, Jan walks you through Day 2 of the Secure Self Workbook, focusing on a powerful shift: regulation before communication. If you struggle with anxious attachment, your reactions aren’t just emotional—they’re physiological.Learn how your nervous system responds to perceived rejection, understand your window of tolerance, and recognize signs of hyperarousal and shutdown. Jan guides you through simple grounding exercises and reflection prompts to help you pause, regulate, and respond from a more secure place.This episode is a practical step toward building emotional stability, breaking reactive patterns, and creating healthier, more secure relationships.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In this episode, Jan walks you through Day 2 of the Secure Self Workbook, focusing on a powerful shift: regulation before communication. If you struggle with anxious attachment, your reactions aren’t just emotional—they’re physiological.

Learn how your nervous system responds to perceived rejection, understand your window of tolerance, and recognize signs of hyperarousal and shutdown. Jan guides you through simple grounding exercises and reflection prompts to help you pause, regulate, and respond from a more secure place.

This episode is a practical step toward building emotional stability, breaking reactive patterns, and creating healthier, more secure relationships.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 927 false 25 full <![CDATA[Day 3: Identifying Deep Needs And Pain Cycles]]> fbx/5866026a-3223-11f1-ba26-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 07 Apr 2026 05:00:00 -0400 In Episode 25 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan (registered psychotherapist) walks you through Day 3 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment.Learn how to understand the emotional needs behind anxious attachment, regulate your nervous system, and communicate more securely in relationships. Featuring insights inspired by Sue Johnson and practical reflection exercises.Perfect for anyone struggling with relationship anxiety, overthinking, or fear of abandonment.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In Episode 25 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan (registered psychotherapist) walks you through Day 3 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment.

Learn how to understand the emotional needs behind anxious attachment, regulate your nervous system, and communicate more securely in relationships. Featuring insights inspired by Sue Johnson and practical reflection exercises.

Perfect for anyone struggling with relationship anxiety, overthinking, or fear of abandonment.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1320 false 26 full <![CDATA[Day 4: Rewriting Core Beliefs About Love and Worth]]> fbx/2cdc1b0c-3787-11f1-9a87-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 14 Apr 2026 05:00:00 -0400 Do you secretly feel like you’re too much… or not enough in relationships?In Episode 26 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan breaks down how anxious attachment is rooted in the core beliefs you learned growing up—and how those beliefs might still be running your relationships today.Inspired by Sue Johnson, this episode helps you uncover the hidden narratives behind thoughts.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter Do you secretly feel like you’re too much… or not enough in relationships?

In Episode 26 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan breaks down how anxious attachment is rooted in the core beliefs you learned growing up—and how those beliefs might still be running your relationships today.

Inspired by Sue Johnson, this episode helps you uncover the hidden narratives behind thoughts.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1207 false 27 full <![CDATA[Day 5: Becoming Your Secure Self]]> fbx/fb50c5a8-3ba3-11f1-be5e-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 21 Apr 2026 05:00:00 -0400 In Episode 27 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan guides you through Day 5 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to build and practice a secure sense of self.Learn how to move beyond awareness into action by defining your secure self, strengthening self-trust, and responding to relationship stress with more stability and confidence—using insights inspired by Sue Johnson.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In Episode 27 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan guides you through Day 5 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to build and practice a secure sense of self.

Learn how to move beyond awareness into action by defining your secure self, strengthening self-trust, and responding to relationship stress with more stability and confidence—using insights inspired by Sue Johnson.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 851 false 28 full <![CDATA[Day 6: Practicing Secure Attachment in Real Life]]> fbx/b1e8cd10-42a2-11f1-8928-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 28 Apr 2026 05:00:00 -0400 In Episode 28 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan (registered psychotherapist) guides you through Day 6 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to stop overthinking and build emotional stability in real-life moments.Learn why anxious attachment is a nervous system response—not a knowledge problem—and how to shift from constant reactivity (“downstream”) to supportive daily habits (“upstream”).Inspired by Sue Johnson, this episode introduces a practical framework to help you regulate emotions, reduce anxiety, and feel more secure in relationships.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In Episode 28 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan (registered psychotherapist) guides you through Day 6 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to stop overthinking and build emotional stability in real-life moments.

Learn why anxious attachment is a nervous system response—not a knowledge problem—and how to shift from constant reactivity (“downstream”) to supportive daily habits (“upstream”).

Inspired by Sue Johnson, this episode introduces a practical framework to help you regulate emotions, reduce anxiety, and feel more secure in relationships.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1158 false 29 full <![CDATA[Day 7: Expressing Needs As Your Secure Self]]> fbx/511eb21a-4824-11f1-82ec-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 05 May 2026 05:00:00 -0400 In Episode 29 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan walks you through Day 7 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to express your needs clearly, calmly, and without losing yourself.If you struggle with overexplaining, people-pleasing, or fear of rejection in relationships, this episode gives you practical tools to communicate with confidence and emotional safety.Inspired by attachment theory and Sue Johnson, you’ll learn simple frameworks like CLEAR (what to say), KIND (how to say it), and TRUE (self-respect) to build secure communication.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In Episode 29 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan walks you through Day 7 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to express your needs clearly, calmly, and without losing yourself.

If you struggle with overexplaining, people-pleasing, or fear of rejection in relationships, this episode gives you practical tools to communicate with confidence and emotional safety.

Inspired by attachment theory and Sue Johnson, you’ll learn simple frameworks like CLEAR (what to say), KIND (how to say it), and TRUE (self-respect) to build secure communication.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1015 false 30 full <![CDATA[Mother’s Day, Anxious Attachment & the Need to Earn Love | Healing the Mother Wound]]> fbx/a1d71d84-4dbd-11f1-8e3b-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 12 May 2026 05:00:00 -0400 In Episode 30 of In The Messy Podcast explores the painful connection between anxious attachment, people-pleasing, and emotionally unavailable mothers—especially around Mother’s Day.If you’ve ever felt guilty, resentful, unseen, or like you had to earn love through over-giving and caregiving, this episode will help you understand where those patterns began and how to start healing them.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In Episode 30 of In The Messy Podcast explores the painful connection between anxious attachment, people-pleasing, and emotionally unavailable mothers—especially around Mother’s Day.

If you’ve ever felt guilty, resentful, unseen, or like you had to earn love through over-giving and caregiving, this episode will help you understand where those patterns began and how to start healing them.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1000 false 31 full <![CDATA[Breakups, Grief & Anxious Attachment: How to Heal Without Losing Yourself]]> fbx/fb54dcee-5302-11f1-96bb-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 19 May 2026 05:00:00 -0400 In Episode 31 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores the painful reality of breakups, heartbreak, grief, and anxious attachment—especially when love still exists, but the relationship no longer feels emotionally safe.If you’re struggling with a breakup, replaying memories, feeling abandoned, stuck in a shame spiral, or wondering “Was this my fault?”, this episode offers compassionate guidance for navigating the grief of losing someone you deeply cared about.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In Episode 31 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores the painful reality of breakups, heartbreak, grief, and anxious attachment—especially when love still exists, but the relationship no longer feels emotionally safe.

If you’re struggling with a breakup, replaying memories, feeling abandoned, stuck in a shame spiral, or wondering “Was this my fault?”, this episode offers compassionate guidance for navigating the grief of losing someone you deeply cared about.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1112 false 32 full <![CDATA[Religious Trauma Through the Lens of Attachment Theory]]> fbx/a2f306a6-5876-11f1-9d66-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 26 May 2026 05:00:00 -0400 In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores religious trauma through the lens of attachment theory, nervous system safety, shame, belonging, and the secure self. This conversation is not about attacking religion or telling you what to believe. Instead, it’s about understanding what happens internally when faith, family, fear, obedience, and love become deeply intertwined.Jan unpacks how attachment wounds can shape our relationship with religion, authority, boundaries, and even our sense of self. If questioning your beliefs feels terrifying, if setting boundaries with family brings overwhelming guilt, or if you’ve struggled with the fear of losing love and belonging by becoming your authentic self, this episode offers compassion, insight, and practical reflection.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores religious trauma through the lens of attachment theory, nervous system safety, shame, belonging, and the secure self. This conversation is not about attacking religion or telling you what to believe. Instead, it’s about understanding what happens internally when faith, family, fear, obedience, and love become deeply intertwined.

Jan unpacks how attachment wounds can shape our relationship with religion, authority, boundaries, and even our sense of self. If questioning your beliefs feels terrifying, if setting boundaries with family brings overwhelming guilt, or if you’ve struggled with the fear of losing love and belonging by becoming your authentic self, this episode offers compassion, insight, and practical reflection.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 2809 false 33 full <![CDATA[Stop Arguing About the Details: How to Find the Real Issue in Conflict]]> fbx/9544a53a-5e13-11f1-af88-ba5fa9561315 https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 02 Jun 2026 05:00:00 -0400 When emotions run high, our brains naturally focus on the surface details of conflict. We become fixated on criticism, defensiveness, silence, facial expressions, or past mistakes. But beneath most relationship arguments lies a deeper need: a desire for connection, reassurance, support, safety, understanding, or emotional closeness.Drawing from attachment theory, emotionally focused therapy (EFT), and years of clinical experience, Jan explains how to identify the real target underneath conflict and why doing so can lead to faster repair, deeper understanding, and healthier communication. You'll learn how to recognize when you're getting pulled into the noise, regulate your nervous system, connect with your secure self, communicate your needs clearly, and repair conflict in a way that strengthens your relationships.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter When emotions run high, our brains naturally focus on the surface details of conflict. We become fixated on criticism, defensiveness, silence, facial expressions, or past mistakes. But beneath most relationship arguments lies a deeper need: a desire for connection, reassurance, support, safety, understanding, or emotional closeness.

Drawing from attachment theory, emotionally focused therapy (EFT), and years of clinical experience, Jan explains how to identify the real target underneath conflict and why doing so can lead to faster repair, deeper understanding, and healthier communication. You'll learn how to recognize when you're getting pulled into the noise, regulate your nervous system, connect with your secure self, communicate your needs clearly, and repair conflict in a way that strengthens your relationships.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 3504 false 34 full <![CDATA[The Father Wound: Breaking Free from Old Relationship Patterns]]> fbx/53a8387e-63b0-11f1-b008-1ee4f3c94deb https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 09 Jun 2026 05:00:00 -0400 If you grew up with a father, grandfather, teacher, or male caregiver who was inconsistent, emotionally distant, critical, unavailable, or unpredictable, you may find yourself carrying beliefs such as: "Men will disappoint me," "I have to earn love," or "I can't trust anyone to stay." These beliefs often operate beneath the surface, influencing who we choose, how we communicate, and how we respond to conflict, intimacy, and vulnerability.Drawing from attachment theory, emotionally focused therapy (EFT), and the Secure Self framework, Jan explores how father wounds can show up as anxious, avoidant, or fearful attachment patterns—and why healing requires learning to separate the past from the present.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter If you grew up with a father, grandfather, teacher, or male caregiver who was inconsistent, emotionally distant, critical, unavailable, or unpredictable, you may find yourself carrying beliefs such as: "Men will disappoint me," "I have to earn love," or "I can't trust anyone to stay." These beliefs often operate beneath the surface, influencing who we choose, how we communicate, and how we respond to conflict, intimacy, and vulnerability.

Drawing from attachment theory, emotionally focused therapy (EFT), and the Secure Self framework, Jan explores how father wounds can show up as anxious, avoidant, or fearful attachment patterns—and why healing requires learning to separate the past from the present.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 2356 false 35 full <![CDATA[Secure Love vs. Attachment Wounds: How to Choose Better Relationships]]> fbx/4dfc3e76-68fa-11f1-a608-1ee4f3c94deb https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 16 Jun 2026 05:00:00 -0400 Secure love isn't about finding a perfect person. It's about learning to recognize emotional safety, consistency, accountability, and mutual care—and choosing relationships that don't require you to abandon yourself to be loved.If healthy love wasn't modeled for you growing up, secure relationships may feel unfamiliar. But unfamiliar doesn't mean unsafe, and intensity doesn't automatically mean connection.You don't have to earn love by chasing, proving, fixing, or performing. The healthiest relationships allow you to be fully yourself while growing together.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter Secure love isn't about finding a perfect person. It's about learning to recognize emotional safety, consistency, accountability, and mutual care—and choosing relationships that don't require you to abandon yourself to be loved.

If healthy love wasn't modeled for you growing up, secure relationships may feel unfamiliar. But unfamiliar doesn't mean unsafe, and intensity doesn't automatically mean connection.

You don't have to earn love by chasing, proving, fixing, or performing. The healthiest relationships allow you to be fully yourself while growing together.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 2054 false 36 full <![CDATA[From Insecure to Secure: What Actually Creates Healthy Relationships]]> fbx/614698f4-6eb4-11f1-b228-1ee4f3c94deb https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 23 Jun 2026 05:00:00 -0400 If you've ever wondered which attachment style is the hardest to date, which attachment style takes the longest to move on, or whether certain attachment styles are doomed in relationships, this episode is for you.In this honest and compassionate conversation, Jan explores some of the most common questions people ask about attachment theory—and challenges the idea that attachment labels determine your relationship destiny. While anxious, avoidant, fearful-avoidant, and secure attachment styles can help us understand our patterns, they are not life sentences.You'll learn why the hardest relationships are often not about attachment styles at all, but about self-awareness, accountability, emotional regulation, and a willingness to grow. Jan also discusses how trauma, stress, burnout, grief, and life circumstances can influence the way attachment patterns show up in relationships.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter If you've ever wondered which attachment style is the hardest to date, which attachment style takes the longest to move on, or whether certain attachment styles are doomed in relationships, this episode is for you.

In this honest and compassionate conversation, Jan explores some of the most common questions people ask about attachment theory—and challenges the idea that attachment labels determine your relationship destiny. While anxious, avoidant, fearful-avoidant, and secure attachment styles can help us understand our patterns, they are not life sentences.

You'll learn why the hardest relationships are often not about attachment styles at all, but about self-awareness, accountability, emotional regulation, and a willingness to grow. Jan also discusses how trauma, stress, burnout, grief, and life circumstances can influence the way attachment patterns show up in relationships.

Website: janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 2055 false 37 full <![CDATA[Why Your Anxious Attachment Gets Triggered]]> fbx/e1777c52-7a65-11f1-86f9-1ee4f3c94deb https://inthemessy.ca Wed, 08 Jul 2026 05:00:00 -0400 In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, registered psychotherapist Jan explains why anxious attachment gets triggered, what feeling memories are, and how your nervous system can mistake uncertainty for danger. You'll also learn practical ways to regulate your emotions, communicate from your Secure Self, and build healthier, more secure relationships.Whether you experience anxious attachment yourself or you're dating someone who does, this episode offers compassionate, research-informed guidance rooted in attachment theory, nervous system regulation, and emotionally focused therapy (EFT).Visit: Janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, registered psychotherapist Jan explains why anxious attachment gets triggered, what feeling memories are, and how your nervous system can mistake uncertainty for danger. You'll also learn practical ways to regulate your emotions, communicate from your Secure Self, and build healthier, more secure relationships.

Whether you experience anxious attachment yourself or you're dating someone who does, this episode offers compassionate, research-informed guidance rooted in attachment theory, nervous system regulation, and emotionally focused therapy (EFT).

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 2094 false 38 full <![CDATA[The 5 Regrets You'll Wish You Avoided: Healing Anxious Attachment]]> fbx/04f68d88-84a9-11f1-8378-1ee4f3c94deb https://inthemessy.ca Wed, 22 Jul 2026 05:00:00 -0400 In this episode of In the Messy, Jan explores the powerful lessons from The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware through the lens of anxious attachment, emotional healing, and becoming your secure self.Together, we'll explore how fear of rejection, people-pleasing, emotional suppression, overworking, and self-abandonment quietly shape our relationships and daily decisions. You'll learn how anxious attachment can influence the choices you make—and how to start living with greater authenticity instead of fear.Visit: Janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In this episode of In the Messy, Jan explores the powerful lessons from The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware through the lens of anxious attachment, emotional healing, and becoming your secure self.

Together, we'll explore how fear of rejection, people-pleasing, emotional suppression, overworking, and self-abandonment quietly shape our relationships and daily decisions. You'll learn how anxious attachment can influence the choices you make—and how to start living with greater authenticity instead of fear.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 4258 false 39 full <![CDATA[How to Heal Anxious Attachment | Why You're Still Triggered]]> fbx/a5157c24-888d-11f1-9fb0-1ee4f3c94deb https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 28 Jul 2026 05:00:00 -0400 In this deeply personal episode, registered psychotherapist Jan explores why healing anxious attachment isn't about becoming perfect or never getting triggered again. Instead, it's about learning how to regulate your nervous system, understand your attachment wounds, build emotionally safe relationships, and stay connected to yourself even during life's most painful moments.Jan shares practical strategies for managing activation, explains why healing looks different for everyone, and opens up about her own 20+ year journey with insecure attachmentVisit: Janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In this deeply personal episode, registered psychotherapist Jan explores why healing anxious attachment isn't about becoming perfect or never getting triggered again. Instead, it's about learning how to regulate your nervous system, understand your attachment wounds, build emotionally safe relationships, and stay connected to yourself even during life's most painful moments.

Jan shares practical strategies for managing activation, explains why healing looks different for everyone, and opens up about her own 20+ year journey with insecure attachment

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 3163 false 40 full <![CDATA[When Someone You Love Fails You | Grief, Broken Trust & Healing]]> fbx/3c269240-8fa7-11f1-9471-1ee4f3c94deb https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 04 Aug 2026 05:00:00 -0400 In this episode of In The Messy, Jan explores the kind of grief that often goes unseen—the grief that comes when someone you love is still alive, but the relationship no longer feels the same. Whether you're navigating betrayal, broken trust, infidelity, repeated disappointment, financial dishonesty, or a partner who continually lets you down, this episode offers a compassionate framework for understanding your pain without abandoning yourself.If you're grieving the version of someone you thought you knew, struggling to rebuild trust after betrayal, or wondering whether your relationship can heal, this episode will help you approach your next steps with greater clarity, self-respect, and compassion.Visit: Janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In this episode of In The Messy, Jan explores the kind of grief that often goes unseen—the grief that comes when someone you love is still alive, but the relationship no longer feels the same. Whether you're navigating betrayal, broken trust, infidelity, repeated disappointment, financial dishonesty, or a partner who continually lets you down, this episode offers a compassionate framework for understanding your pain without abandoning yourself.

If you're grieving the version of someone you thought you knew, struggling to rebuild trust after betrayal, or wondering whether your relationship can heal, this episode will help you approach your next steps with greater clarity, self-respect, and compassion.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 2972 false 41 full <![CDATA[Why You Want Your Ex Back After a Breakup]]> fbx/17b04902-952d-11f1-a8b7-1ee4f3c94deb https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 11 Aug 2026 05:00:00 -0400 Why do you want your ex back even when you know the relationship wasn't right for you? In Episode 41 of In The Messy, Jan explores why breakups can trigger anxious attachment, why familiarity can feel safer than being alone, and why missing your ex doesn't necessarily mean you should get back together.Learn how to manage the urge to text or call your ex, regulate your nervous system after a breakup, navigate dating again, and distinguish attachment panic from a genuine desire for reconciliation. Jan also explores what needs to change before getting back together can become a secure choice: including accountability, consistent behavioral change, emotional responsiveness, and genuine relationship repair.Visit: Janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter Why do you want your ex back even when you know the relationship wasn't right for you? In Episode 41 of In The Messy, Jan explores why breakups can trigger anxious attachment, why familiarity can feel safer than being alone, and why missing your ex doesn't necessarily mean you should get back together.

Learn how to manage the urge to text or call your ex, regulate your nervous system after a breakup, navigate dating again, and distinguish attachment panic from a genuine desire for reconciliation. Jan also explores what needs to change before getting back together can become a secure choice: including accountability, consistent behavioral change, emotional responsiveness, and genuine relationship repair.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

]]> 1990 false 42 full <![CDATA[Fear of Cheating: Anxiety, Trust & Self-Trust]]> fbx/0533bc3e-9ab2-11f1-955c-1ee4f3c94deb https://inthemessy.ca Tue, 18 Aug 2026 05:00:00 -0400 In Episode 42 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores cheating anxiety, anxious attachment, trust, intuition, and self-trust. She breaks down how to distinguish emotional fear from present-day evidence, recognize hypervigilance and reassurance-seeking, and regulate your nervous system before confronting your partner.You'll also learn how to communicate concerns using the Clear, Kind, and True framework, set healthy boundaries, rebuild trust after betrayal, and make relationship decisions without abandoning yourself.Because security isn't about guaranteeing that you will never be betrayed. It's knowing that you can trust yourself to face the truth, whatever it is, and choose what comes next.Visit: Janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In Episode 42 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores cheating anxiety, anxious attachment, trust, intuition, and self-trust. She breaks down how to distinguish emotional fear from present-day evidence, recognize hypervigilance and reassurance-seeking, and regulate your nervous system before confronting your partner.

You'll also learn how to communicate concerns using the Clear, Kind, and True framework, set healthy boundaries, rebuild trust after betrayal, and make relationship decisions without abandoning yourself.

Because security isn't about guaranteeing that you will never be betrayed. It's knowing that you can trust yourself to face the truth, whatever it is, and choose what comes next.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 3443 false 43 full <![CDATA[How to Rebuild Trust After Cheating]]> fbx/619fe370-9f6d-11f1-a5a0-1ee4f3c94deb https://inthemessy.ca Mon, 24 Aug 2026 05:00:00 -0400 What if you were the one who cheated? In Episode 43 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores cheating, anxious attachment, guilt, shame, betrayal, and relationship repair—without using attachment as an excuse for infidelity.Learn why people cheat, how loneliness and validation can contribute to infidelity, the warning signs that often come before cheating, and what to do afterward. Jan discusses taking responsibility, telling the truth, rebuilding trust, setting boundaries, and creating healthier patterns.Visit: Janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter What if you were the one who cheated? In Episode 43 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores cheating, anxious attachment, guilt, shame, betrayal, and relationship repair—without using attachment as an excuse for infidelity.

Learn why people cheat, how loneliness and validation can contribute to infidelity, the warning signs that often come before cheating, and what to do afterward. Jan discusses taking responsibility, telling the truth, rebuilding trust, setting boundaries, and creating healthier patterns.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 3497 false 44 full <![CDATA[How to Journal for Anxiety: The SLOW Journaling Method]]> fbx/be488eae-a1c7-11f1-8a3b-1ee4f3c94deb https://inthemessy.ca Thu, 27 Aug 2026 05:00:00 -0400 Have you ever been told to “just calm down” when your mind is spiraling and your body feels like something needs to be fixed right now? In this episode of In The Messy, Jan introduces the SLOW Journaling Method, a simple four-step practice for anxiety, overthinking, emotional overwhelm, and anxious attachment.You’ll learn how to Settle your body, Let the noise out, Observe and name your emotions, and listen to your Wise Self to choose one small next step. Jan also shares how journaling supported her through miscarriage, stillbirth, grief, and some of the darkest moments of her life.This episode explores how to use journaling without turning it into rumination, how to recognize your inner critic, separate facts from the stories your anxious mind creates, and reconnect with your secure self.SLOW Journaling cheat sheet: https://gift.janettechu.ca/slowVisit: Janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter Have you ever been told to “just calm down” when your mind is spiraling and your body feels like something needs to be fixed right now? In this episode of In The Messy, Jan introduces the SLOW Journaling Method, a simple four-step practice for anxiety, overthinking, emotional overwhelm, and anxious attachment.

You’ll learn how to Settle your body, Let the noise out, Observe and name your emotions, and listen to your Wise Self to choose one small next step. Jan also shares how journaling supported her through miscarriage, stillbirth, grief, and some of the darkest moments of her life.

This episode explores how to use journaling without turning it into rumination, how to recognize your inner critic, separate facts from the stories your anxious mind creates, and reconnect with your secure self.

SLOW Journaling cheat sheet: https://gift.janettechu.ca/slow

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 3139 false 45 full <![CDATA[Cherish the People You Love Before It’s Too Late | Gratitude, Love & Secure Attachment]]> fbx/552c56de-a4e8-11f1-8bb2-1ee4f3c94deb https://inthemessy.ca Mon, 31 Aug 2026 05:00:00 -0400 In Episode 45 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan reflects on gratitude, love, relationships, loss, and the importance of telling people what they mean to you while you still have the opportunity. Inspired by her fourth wedding anniversary, Jan shares personal reflections on marriage, heartbreak, grief, meaningful relationships, and the people who have shaped who she has become.This episode explores why we sometimes take the people we love for granted, how unresolved hurt and anxious attachment can make us focus on what might go wrong, and how becoming more secure can help us hold the whole story — both the pain and the goodness.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookGratitude Highlight Reel: https://gift.janettechu.ca/gratitudeNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In Episode 45 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan reflects on gratitude, love, relationships, loss, and the importance of telling people what they mean to you while you still have the opportunity. Inspired by her fourth wedding anniversary, Jan shares personal reflections on marriage, heartbreak, grief, meaningful relationships, and the people who have shaped who she has become.

This episode explores why we sometimes take the people we love for granted, how unresolved hurt and anxious attachment can make us focus on what might go wrong, and how becoming more secure can help us hold the whole story — both the pain and the goodness.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Email: jan[at]janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Gratitude Highlight Reel: https://gift.janettechu.ca/gratitude
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 2853 false 46 full <![CDATA[How Come Everyone’s Relationship Is Perfect and Mine Isn’t?]]> fbx/33f8f1ae-a72f-11f1-a63e-1ee4f3c94deb https://inthemessy.ca Thu, 03 Sep 2026 05:00:00 -0400 Have you ever looked at someone else’s relationship on Instagram and suddenly wondered, “Why doesn’t my relationship look like that?”Jan explores relationship comparison, anxious attachment, gratitude, resentment, unmet needs, and what it really means to have a healthy relationship.Seeing someone else’s highlight reel can make you compare your relationship’s lowest moments to someone else’s best moments. But comparison can also reveal something important: sometimes what you're longing for isn't the other person's relationship—it’s a deeper value or need that matters to you.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookSLOW Journaling cheat sheet: https://gift.janettechu.ca/slowNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter Have you ever looked at someone else’s relationship on Instagram and suddenly wondered, “Why doesn’t my relationship look like that?”

Jan explores relationship comparison, anxious attachment, gratitude, resentment, unmet needs, and what it really means to have a healthy relationship.

Seeing someone else’s highlight reel can make you compare your relationship’s lowest moments to someone else’s best moments. But comparison can also reveal something important: sometimes what you're longing for isn't the other person's relationship—it’s a deeper value or need that matters to you.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Email: jan[at]janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
SLOW Journaling cheat sheet: https://gift.janettechu.ca/slow
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 2203 false 47 full <![CDATA[People-Pleasing | Why Insecure People Do It And What To Do About It]]> fbx/b92a2508-aa74-11f1-864e-1ee4f3c94deb https://inthemessy.ca Mon, 07 Sep 2026 05:00:00 -0400 In Episode 47 of In The Messy, Jan explores what happens when people-pleasing becomes an entire way of relating to others. Through the lens of insecure attachment, this episode explores why you may have learned to hide your needs, suppress your emotions, avoid disagreement, and become “easy to love” in order to protect connection.Jan also explains why being authentic doesn't mean telling everyone everything or removing every mask overnight. Healthy authenticity includes boundaries, privacy, discernment, and learning how to express yourself in ways that are clear, kind, and true.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookSLOW Journaling cheat sheet: https://gift.janettechu.ca/slowNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter In Episode 47 of In The Messy, Jan explores what happens when people-pleasing becomes an entire way of relating to others. Through the lens of insecure attachment, this episode explores why you may have learned to hide your needs, suppress your emotions, avoid disagreement, and become “easy to love” in order to protect connection.

Jan also explains why being authentic doesn't mean telling everyone everything or removing every mask overnight. Healthy authenticity includes boundaries, privacy, discernment, and learning how to express yourself in ways that are clear, kind, and true.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Email: jan[at]janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
SLOW Journaling cheat sheet: https://gift.janettechu.ca/slow
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 2174 false 48 full <![CDATA[He Won’t Commit to Me, but I Can’t Let Go of Hope]]> fbx/5b0cb162-accb-11f1-a2b5-1ee4f3c94deb https://inthemessy.ca Thu, 10 Sep 2026 05:00:00 -0400 You may be stuck in a situationship where the connection feels intense, the chemistry is strong, and the good moments make you believe commitment could be just around the corner. But whenever you ask where the relationship is going, you receive another vague answer: “I'm not ready,” “I don't like labels,” or “Why can't we just enjoy what we have?”Then, just when you're ready to leave, everything changes. They become affectionate, attentive, reassuring, and emotionally available. You feel hopeful again—and the cycle starts over.In Episode 48 of In The Messy, Jan explores why uncertain relationships can be so difficult to leave, especially when anxious attachment is involved. This episode looks at the push-pull dynamic of inconsistent relationships and why moments of intense affection can feel like commitment even when the underlying relationship hasn't actually changed.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookHope Vs Evidence cheat sheet: https://gift.janettechu.ca/hopevsevidenceNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter You may be stuck in a situationship where the connection feels intense, the chemistry is strong, and the good moments make you believe commitment could be just around the corner. But whenever you ask where the relationship is going, you receive another vague answer: “I'm not ready,” “I don't like labels,” or “Why can't we just enjoy what we have?”

Then, just when you're ready to leave, everything changes. They become affectionate, attentive, reassuring, and emotionally available. You feel hopeful again—and the cycle starts over.

In Episode 48 of In The Messy, Jan explores why uncertain relationships can be so difficult to leave, especially when anxious attachment is involved. This episode looks at the push-pull dynamic of inconsistent relationships and why moments of intense affection can feel like commitment even when the underlying relationship hasn't actually changed.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Email: jan[at]janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Hope Vs Evidence cheat sheet: https://gift.janettechu.ca/hopevsevidence
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 1941 false 49 full <![CDATA[Why Do I Need Constant Reassurance?]]> fbx/e322b466-aff0-11f1-8219-1ee4f3c94deb https://inthemessy.ca Mon, 14 Sep 2026 05:00:00 -0400 Why do you still need reassurance even when someone tells you they love you?In Episode 49 of In The Messy, Jan explores reassurance seeking, anxious attachment, relationship anxiety, low self-esteem, and self-worth. If you've ever wondered why other people's love, encouragement, or validation doesn't seem to “stick,” this episode explores what may be happening underneath the surface.Reassurance seeking isn't automatically unhealthy. Human beings need connection, comfort, encouragement, and support. The problem begins when reassurance becomes the only way you can feel safe, worthy, lovable, or certain about yourself and when no amount of reassurance seems to be enough.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter Why do you still need reassurance even when someone tells you they love you?

In Episode 49 of In The Messy, Jan explores reassurance seeking, anxious attachment, relationship anxiety, low self-esteem, and self-worth. If you've ever wondered why other people's love, encouragement, or validation doesn't seem to “stick,” this episode explores what may be happening underneath the surface.

Reassurance seeking isn't automatically unhealthy. Human beings need connection, comfort, encouragement, and support. The problem begins when reassurance becomes the only way you can feel safe, worthy, lovable, or certain about yourself and when no amount of reassurance seems to be enough.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Email: jan[at]janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter]]> 2705 false 50 full